I am such an idiot.

Like Toy Soldiers.

Fuck up luh.

Sigh : really explains the past few days actually. On Wednesday morning I received the news that my uncle passed away. I woke up to 2 missed calls from my aunts 1am in the morning. It didn't exactly come as a shock, it was sort of expected by everyone in the family. He had been struggling with some kind of tumor in his brain that made him unable to move most parts of his body, well, bed-ridden. He survived through the taking care of and 4 years of chinese medicine, after Western doctors said there was no hope. Then just recently doctors said that his time would be up soon, that to be prepared. And, the time just came.

I wouldn't say I was extremely sad, but just plain downbeat about it. After school days on Wednesday to Friday, I visited the void deck near the home of my aunt's for my uncle's wake. Pretty awkward and sad to say the least, didn't know what to do. My first time attending something like that.

There was supposed to be the AMKsian Family Day on Saturday, something I was extremely looking forward to and what was supposed to be the only upside of the week. But on Friday I found out I had to stay in the void deck of some block in Sembawang, praying and chanting for peace for the whole day. I had no right to complain, but I do have the right to be disappointed, don't' I? I mean, my uncle's passing made everyone's mood slightly damper. I don't think it'd be right to argue with my parents to let me go to some school event rather than mourn the death of my uncle.

Thus, today. I woke up at 7.20 or so. Reached Sembawang at around 8.30. Chanted, prayed. Ate, walked around. Used my phone, talked on the phone. Chanting. Walk to the coffee shop, play at the background with some relatives. More chanting. More mourning. Chatted with relatives, reached home at 12 at night. It is now 1am in the morning, and as I scroll through my facebook news feed and see all the photos that my friend's have took during Family Day, I can't help but think about what I've missed.

I suppose things happen for a reason, and that I didn't go for some reason. Let's just hope that reason isn't a bad one. Blessing in disguise? Please.

Day of cremation is tomorrow, I should be sleeping early. But instead I'm here rambling on, listening to oldies music on Class 95 FM on my nano.

God, I'm feeling less awesome day by day.

-Renald
Let me get up from this slump, and start striding my way back to awesomeness.

66 posts later, still rambling bull manure.

"Good things come when you wait."

Heard of that phrase? Yeah. Nowadays people are like "I read the first two posts and I'm like uhh, boring!" Of course, nobody said that. *cough*

Well where's the motivation? People are all back adjusting to the new year and well, so am I. I just find no point blogging when nobody reads it, or appreciates my totally unlame sense of humour. I want to blog, but come on. I'd rather have no tags then have internet viruses clogging up my tagboard. Its like the only people who are interested in what you write are robots that scan the world wide web for platforms to type out their fake names and give links to websites that exist solely for the purpose of harming that very computer. Its just sad.

I suppose I'm blogging today because my brother took away his computer, which means taking away everything I do during my free time. I need a new computer. No I dont.

I'm done publiciting (i suppose) my blog, after many (one) attempts it just doesn't work out. I mean come on, srsly. This is not fun to read? Tch. THIS. IS. FUN. TO. READ.

I'm sorry. I guess I was overshadowed by my thoughts that my blog was that hilarious. I mean afterall, not many people have the capability to laugh at their own jokes time after time. So, since I'm not one to ignore advices (I'm kidding. I have such a high ego I think I'm always right. That's why people hate me.), I shall add my pictures, sketches, images, if you will. Onto this very thing. The dead piece of shit you call Renald's blog.

I would be watching the Channel 8 show but my fingers just can't leave the keyboard. Even if they do they'd be catching mouse.

I'm pissed. All the good shows are M18 or NC16 and shit. I mean come on, its not we don't understand the sexual terms and scenes, violence and extraterrestial or paranormal activity do we not? Its not like some guy and girl suddenly start doing it in the film and we go "What? What the fuck is that? The insertion of a male's organ into a female's organ(so to speak) is just plain ridiculous! Who the hell thought of that? This movie sucks I'm outta here." No, we don't do that. We embrace continue watching it knowing what its all about.

Oh and I don't even know why 127 hours is classified as NC16. Its a movie about a guy getting stuck somewhere and his survival story for 5 and a half days. Not about him getting lost somewhere in the desert and starting to get bored till he breaks down and has sex with the camels.

PS : I am aware that its not rated NC16 because of sexual references (i think), I wrote those paragraphs solely for the humourous viewing pleasure of my blog audience (ZERO, + SOME ROBOTS) as well as to amuse myself. Laughing is good for the soul.

Oh well. Movie raters and their crap.

-Renald

Its confusing, it hurts.

You said you wouldn't, you did.
You said you couldn't, you did.

What exactly am I doing that, makes no difference at all?

Its like I don't know or understand, how you really feel. I feel like an idiot.

The moment you burst all your emotions out, the moment I feel, how much do I not actually know? I'm like a dumbass secluded from everything isn't going well.

Nothing happened, you said. But how am I suppose to believe that? How can something not happen for you to feel that way?

Is it me? Is it something else? Nothing makes sense. Everything contradicts each other and I can't seem to find the balance.

Fucking messed up.

Medium sized piece of ..

Don't ask me why I drew this. "Blog's should have pictures." Not my words.

-Renald

Mistakes

Lily : "Okay, yes, it's a mistake. I know its a mistake. But there are certain things in life, where you know its a mistake but you don't really know its a mistake, because the only way to know its a mistake is to make the mistake and look back and say yup, that was a mistake. So really, the bigger mistake would be to not make the mistake, because then you'll go your whole life not really knowing whether something is a mistake or not, and dammit I've made no mistakes. I've done all of this, my life, my relationship, my career, mistake free! Does any of this make sense to you?"

Ted : "I don't know you said mistake alot.."

That was the second last episode of Season 1 in HIMYM, even though I've reached the point where I'd have to wait for new episodes, I decided to randomly watch a few before. For some reason. Thing is, before watching those episodes I watched this.. magic trick from Barry and Stuart. They mentioned something about fate and decisions leading from one thing to another, and everything plays out in the end. (Search Barry & Stuart : Three Wise Men, youtube.) So, right then when the final sentence of the episode was being said , :

"Here's the thing about mistakes. Sometimes, even when you know something's a mistake, you gotta make it anyway. Even really really dumb mistakes."

Something happened which at that very moment I was actually pondering about. That thing was related to the thing I was thinking about which made me think that I should actually "make a mistake" since well, fate let that thing happen, just like the Barry and Stuart magic trick, and that I picked a random video out of 100 odd episodes and it had to be that one that taught me mistakes would be made, thus leading to my thoughts and the event that happened that would eventually lead to the mistake I am supposedly thinking about making.

UNDERSTAND?

I suppose you don't. But whatever. PROFOUNDNESS FOR THE WIN.

-Renald

Robin: "Goodluck on your date, I hope she's everything you're looking for.
Ted: "Thanks."
Robin: "Alright, you've clearly had a rough night. I want you to go in there with a smile on your date so uh, here's what I'm gonna do."
Ted: "You're gonna show me your hair?"
Robin: "Actually, I was gonna.. show you my breast but sure, let's go with that."

"Phew, super long post finally ended!"

Sheesh, to say that after 9 paragraphs is a bit of a overstatement. LOL. No offense tho, just for entertainment purposes. Well, it just suddenly occured to me that.. maybe 9 paragraphs IS pretty long afterall. Because well, people's expectations are getting higher these days. Including mine. Maybe it isn't a good thing.

Maybe is such an irritating word, dontcha think? Maybe, perhaps, I'll think about it. Goddamnit. Make up your bloody mind. Well, my bloody mind. Because brains needs blood too right? Not the point. Moving on. So many things in my head right now. Decisions I have to make. I could just sit here and pretend my life's awesome enough already and I'm happy with every single thing but I'm not.

WARNING : My opinions are going to contradict each other from this point, probably. Just an internal debate with my mind. So bear with me.

You know what? Future me will deal with it. Bye guys, that's enough bullshit for today.

-Renald

I've always been scared to try.

As much as it is inappropriate as it is.. in..appropriate.. I am blogging, 9.43pm.

Normally that wouldn't sound bad at all, but thing is that I have three tests tomorrow.

Normally that would sound extremely bad, but considering its English, Chinese, and math? Yeah, its not that bad afterall.

I just had to sudden urge to blog, but who reads blogs nowadays? Here's an example, yesterday at math class.

Shuhui : RENALD! Blog is do what one ah?
Renald : Well, you basically write stuff.
Shuhui : So you write anything you want??!?
Renald : Uh , yeah sure.
Shuhui : Coooll..
Renald : I have a blog, you want me address?
Shuhui : Dun wan lah..

THERE YOU GO. WHO GIVES SHIT ABOUT BLOGS NOWADAYS. Last time everyone was all blogging and tagging and it was the freagin hit. But recently its like all, "Ahh, I'm just gonna go home and watch 9 episodes of How I Met Your Mother straight, then maybe study a little then sleep." Okay fine that's me. Actually no, I dont do the study part.

I'm just kidding, I study. Just not today. God there's nothing to study. I admit that there's one math formulae that I'm not too sure about but Future Me will deal with that. Am I right?

I realised that in my free time when I'm listening to my music on my phone, or on my laptop. That I always play a song with a rap in it first. And I'll picture myself on stage, in front of everyone, killing that rap. Totally ripping it. While a good friend of mine who is talented in singing sings the chorus.

Man, I secretly hope one day I'd be able to do it. Afterall, my obsession with raps came the day last year at the school's 'Got Talent' contest. These two girls were singing to Billionaire by Bruno and Travie McCoy, and some people were talking bout' how good the rapper was. In my mind I was like, that's good? I mean, she WAS good, I just felt I could do better.

Then came Usher's new hit DJ Got Us Falling In Love featuring Pitbull. I was amazed by how quick Pitbull's spanish rap was. It sounded freagin cool. Without the thought of ever showing off, I just searched up the lyrics and kept repetitively trying to imitate the tone, every single word his American-Spanish mouth was making.

In the end, the rap was freagin second nature to me. Ask me now, I'd rap it freagin chipmunk speed. WHUT UP. After awhile I started telling my friends I could rap that shit. They were like, Tch, yeah right. So I blew them away. Once again, TOTALLY NOT SHOWING OFF.

Then came the day the group of guys were pingponging at Ben's place. Magic by B.O.B came on. I told them by the end of the week I'd knock it down. Well I did, and they were starting to get annoyed with me singing it all day. So, I decided I'd only show off to those who havent heard me rap yet.

Well, I don't rap. I imitate the rap. Whut.

Ah, enough of the rap story. THOUGH, my 100% non-fail rap songs I've perfected are so far..

1) DJ Got Us Falling In Love - Usher ft. Pitbull
2) Magic - B.O.B ft. Rivers Cuomo
3) Nothin' On You - B.O.B ft. Bruno Mars
4) Airplanes - B.O.B ft. Hayley Williams

The Semi Know-Hows

5) I'll Be In The Sky - B.O.B
6) Airplanes pt. 2 - B.O.B ft. Hayley Williams and Eminem
7) Love The Way You Lie - Eminem ft. Rihanna

UPCOMING PROJECTS (Nope, not projects, just imitations.)

8) Don't Let Me Fall - B.O.B
9) Bet I Bust - B.O.B ft T.I & Playboy Tre
10) Past My Shades - B.O.B ft. Lupe Fiasco
11) Cold Wind Blows - Eminem

I know in years to come, I'm going to read this and say "Damn I was one show offing son of a bitch." But cmon, pointless things gets chicks. I'm kidding. Rap is.. my passion. I'm kidding as well. I just like raps. They're cool. And you know what they say, Imitation is the best form of flattery.

And.. well, that's it. Another of my stupid posts. I'm hungry.

-Renald
It just doesn't feel right.

Maybe its just Tottenham but, I'm feeling empty inside. Its like I'm not satisfied with what I have. I don't have the reason but, I've never had this much urge to just lie down and hug my bolster real tight and just dream all day. Let it go away. Please.

Our love's electric ~

Uh yeah, why isn't anyone posting.

Its a rhetorical question, I already know the answer, but still.
If you think about it, its not a question. There's no question mark. Whut.

I've scanned all my links (well, most of them), and only one or two posted in the past two weeks, one of em' HASN'T INVITED ME (*cough* tagger on 21 january *cough*) not that it affects my life big time or anything, just saying.

Right, so I'm a few hours away from running 5 kilometres around Bedok Reservoir. Had breakfast at 7, about to buy my lunch in a few minutes. A bit nervous to be honest, never ran a cross country before. But, its okay. Experience is cool.

So, the past few days we've been in camp. It was more fun than expected. Dragon boating just killed it man, it was awesome. Even though sewage water was drank more often than not. Really lazy to list out events but basically it was enjoyable. Till Jon's robotic dance left me stunned, or as my fellow nation would like to call, "chua tio".

After the campfire I took a moral from that dance. Pointless things might be pointless, but it gets you chicks. Hell yeah. Pointless Rambles? Not so much.

When we got back to school after 3 days, I found out Track and Field had 4 new members. ASTONISHINGLY HIGH NUMBER HUH? I dont even have to mention the sarcasm for you to know I was using it. But, I've mentioned it so there you go.

But that's not the point. Since nobody wanted lunch outside, (I'm kidding, nobody wanted me there ): ) I went to the bus stop to wait for the bus back home. Just then, Bryan and Sean came towards the busstop and we chatted a little. Then we got on the bus, found seats at the back of the bus. We talked relatively loudly and laughed a lot, on a quiet bus. Till Sean answered the phone. An old man (I could use uncle but I dont like that guy) suddenly screamed at Sean. Leaving me and Bryan, once again, chua tio.

He ranted on and on about the noise we were making, directing the whole bus' attention to us. His little speech went a little like this :

"CAN YOU ALL STOP TALKING SO LOUDLY? HUH? HELLO HELLO, YOU CAN HEAR THE OTHER PERSON ON THE PHONE OR NOT? FOR THE PAST HOW LONG I CANNOT ANSWER THE PHONE BECAUSE YOU ALL KEEP TALKING AND TALKING. YOU ARE DISRUPTING THE PEACE OF THE BUS! LAUGHING AND LAUGHING, I TOLERATED YOU ALL FOR VERY LONG ALREADY."

He didn't stop there. He turned towards me and Bryan and started screaming things we didn't even know happened. Oh and you should know that there was a fellow girl school mate beside us at the time.

"YOU ALL, HOW CAN YOU SPOUT NONSENSE TALKING ABOUT UNDERWEAR IN FRONT OF A GIRL? HUH? THIS IS PUBLIC PLACE AND YOU SHOUTING ABOUT OBSCENITIES, DONT YOU FEEL ASHAMED? TALK AND TALK AND TALK AND TALK, UNTIL I CANNOT TALK. HAVE YOU EVER THOUGHT ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE?"

He then demanded us to leave the bus. We didn't, duh.

I felt apologetic somewhat, until I realised we did nothing wrong.
Firstly, the word underwear never left any of our mouths. Secondly, the girl was sleeping, using her phone. Until the old man started screaming. Have YOU thought about other people, old man? I understand, old people dont really hear properly. Thirdly, whoever said we can't talk in a public place? We can't talk on a bus? Oh please. Buses are always noisy, deal with it. If there are a bunch of teenagers on a bus, its obvious we would crack jokes and laugh and talk shit. You were once a teen, old man. Unless you were some unsociable.. person.

I'm not being bad here. He was just plain ureasonable. If you wanted to talk on the phone, give us a freagin warning first or something. Tell us politely and we'll shut up. Why just suddenly scream at us, that wont change a fucking thing.

We didnt go anywhere near the topic of underwear, and you practically just embarrased a couple of students having non-illegal fun on the bus. You made us look like uncaring perverts. The rant went on for about 5 minutes till the bus captain came up and calmed the old freagin man down.

I honestly didnt know whether to laugh or to feel angered over the whole matter. But still, it was the first time I got screamed at on a bus. FIRST TIMES FOR THE WIN.

Alright, time to get lunch. Ciao.

-Renald

Look up at the sky, is it a bird? Is it a plane?
NO, ITS JUST YOUR FUCKING IMAGINATION.

Time for my chicken cutlet.
There's promise that season 4 will load by tonight.

-Renald

2011 Preview

Well, after posting a review of the year long gone, I decided I'll make a preview right now.

Actually, I'm not a mind-reader so I can't actually write a preview of my life. Because that'll be boring, puh-lease. I dont wanna know what happens, or when I first get into a fight, when I lose my v...ery expensive pillow casings! *cough* But you catch my drift.

So far 2011 has been, hmm, pretty exciting to say the least. I really think its going to be a great year ahead. Well, at least I think so now. Class has been really fun. Oh gawd did I just say that? Imma sucha nerda. I'm kidding. I hate lesson, especially the lesson where you use the calculator thingy, its called uh.. what was the lesson called? Oh that's right, Mads.

My Mads teacher told us a really funny joke today : "We can't afford to lose time, we only have very few periods in a week.." Uhhuh, yeah sure teach, 7 periods is indefinitely little time in 5 days of schooling every week.

Speaking of jokes, recently my "Funny Jokes" app on my phone has been frequently used. I like telling people riddles and getting pissed when they get it right. When they fall for it, I feel extremely happy inside, even though it wasn't my joke. Still, I executed the riddle, give me credit, bitches. Well, you could argue I tried to steal the riddle-tellings away from Benedict but whatever.

Speaking of Benedict, I really wish to stop the ass-smacking phenomenon. Its creepy, and not to mention gay. So yeah, we're cool. I have concrete evidence I ain't gay. Unfortunately I cant really mention the evidence if not all barriers of life will fall. Not really. I'd be interested to find out what the barriers of life are anyway, but I'm digressing, let's move on.

Hmm, I'll make my life interesting this year. I swear. Instead just being the holidays, imma chase towards excitement in interesting-ent the whole freagin' year. So goodluck to me for that. So, till infinity and beyond.. hope.

Oh one more thing worth noting(not), I've got myself a new alarm clock. Hell yeah. Say hello to the guy who won't be late no more, chick-es. (See how weird that sounds Ben? That's why its Sexy Bitch, not Sexy Chick.)

-Renald
But tonight I'm f...ollowing you.
Oh oh ~ Oh oh~
Tonight I'm following you.

2010 Review

This seems a suitable time to, think back on the year 2010.

Its been, quite a road. Life rocks, dude. This year means so much to me, for some reason. It seems like a typical teenage year on the books, but really though, its been extremely memorable. It was the year that totally shaped me into who I am. Who I am right now, was a result of what I've did in 2010. All the crap I've done, I don't regret a single thing.

Well, the year started off extremely carefreely, I just got over some girl, who I now refer to with my friends as bimbo. Please don't read my blog, dear bimbo. But whatever. There wasn't really anything in it anyway, we barely talked. Thinking back I really think, how could I spend days stalking a singl... uh, let's skip that part.

So, after sitting with Haolun somewhere around March, I started to meet this bunch of really cool and fun guys, each with their unique personality. This group of people currently referred to, by some people, Cliquinity. Well, I suppose the sitting arrangement was the part where I actually got to know them, afterall you gotta admit, Haolun was the guy to hang out with. I won't say the word, I won't, Popular. Whoops, there you go. Lol. Nah, seriously though. My social life sort of took a turn once I became good friends with them group. More rebellious (sorta), more fun, I wasn't the moral guy I once used to be. I didn't stick to my word as much, I didn't seem to care.

Life then was all about fitting in, doing what my friends do. Sleeping in class, hitting on girls (Uh yeah, I didn't do that part. I just sat back and watched the rest, I swear.), hanging out at Benedict's house after school, beating each other at ping pong, rapping to songs trying to impress others. Basically I didn't give much shit to studies.

Around the early part of the year, there was this girl I really fancied. I won't hide it, I went crazy over her. Day and night, everything. All my focus was on how I should approach her the next day,topics I could pick up with her. Though it might sound creepy, I spent days daydreaming about how we would be and romantic shit like that. Yeah, I always barely get away with it when teachers asked what I was thinking.

Well, finally I grew some balls and asked her out. In a.. dramatic way. Around half way through the year. I may have actually pretended my life was a movie and did all that shit that I did, and thinking back it might actually make a good storybook. But that wasn't the point. She wasn't interested and I got rejected flat. It took days and days, heartbreaking shit at home. I was rotting. It was also the period I found out my phone was bullshite.

It took, plenty of months for me moaning and groaning about how useless I was, before I finally balled up and said, this is enough for me. I've spent a quarter of a year wasting my time on something I did not achieve, and thinking that love was all I needed. No, of course it wasn't. I'm young, there's plenty ahead of me. Even though the thought of me being a good boyfriend was still lingering at the back of my head. It wasn't what I needed, it was an important year for my studies and I know it.

Around early 2010 I was also actively talking to my now "Guru" Jiayu. She was the influence, the sole influence, well maybe a bit of the awesome Vanessa. She is the reason for me staying up, now. I remember there was this point she was addicted to Lady Gaga like mad, so I stayed up with her and waited for the Alejandro video to come out. At the time it was around 1 or 2. And I slept that late. Since then, I've been sleeping later and later. I had the guts to wake up early morning to watch Tottenham games as well. Big part of me right now, the staying up late thing.

So, later part of the year I knuckled down and studied, while the occasional after school lunch and pingpong at Ben's place. Then one fine afternoon, I played basketball with a couple of friends. That Friday afternoon was the day I met.. well, Potato. Nuff said. That potato was really cool, we shared quite a lot in common, and we talked quite a bit. I don't really wanna go into details but that Potato changed me. And will always be an important part of me.

That was also the year I became really self conscious, not really that vain but I started to take note of myself more than I used to before. I cared about what others thought about me and I made sure it was good things they were saying. Whenever I hear someone badmouthing me in any way, I get really upset. I try to change the way I am, to become someone better. Someone who was of help to people, someone friends could count on. And even at this moment I really try to be a good guy, in the meantime not forgetting to be myself.

Vanessa taught me one thing, I remember. That, I should stop living for other people. This is me, this is my life. I should enjoy it. Well, till now I still believe in helping whenever I can but well, maybe because of her I've learnt to enjoy life a bit more. Life is short, we should do whatever we want. As long as its morally correct and wont get you in too much of deep shit.

During the holidays I vowed I'd make it exciting and productive. Well, no doubt, I had a lot of fun. Though I felt it could have been better in some aspects. I didnt just lie around all day waiting for things to happen. I made it happen. Such as doing things I've never did before, because that's when you actually gain knowledge. So one day I tried eating a Double McSpicy. No doubt I gained knowledge, knowledge to never do that again. Unless I felt like doing so.

During the holidays, things happened as well. My maid went back to her homeland, leaving my family without a maid since years. We struggled to cope at first, had plenty of arguments here and there. But things seemed to have settled down right now. I must admit, I was really emotional when my maid left. I was on my way to meet Haolun when I teared on the train, I recieved a phone call from my dad scolding me because I forgot to take keys. That I had to open the door, not just ring a bell and someone would open it for me. I teared. It was a moment of realization, that, I have to start being independent. Start doing things on my own. I'm not the spoiled little brat I once was. I'm my own man. I'm capable of doing it myself, why bother people and get help for things I can do myself?

Well, life without a maid has settled down for me and family. We're far more relaxed now. There might have been much more I haven't mentioned in this post, but overall, I really enjoyed 2010. Thanks to all of you who I have met, who made this year an extremely fruitful and enjoyable year for me. It shaped me and I probably won't forget it. Cheers to a better 2011 everyone!

-Renald

Wazzem' Haterz!

WE GOT EM' GOIN' DOWN FOR THE COUNT,
LOOKIN' AT THE GROUND,
THAT'S WHY WE GOT HATERZ,
THAT'S WHY WE GOT HATERZ,
HATERZ EVERYWHERE WE GO,
HATERZ EVERYWHERE WE GO,
HATERZ EVERYWHERE WE GO,
WHERE WE GO,
HATERZ GOING DOWN FOR THE COUNT!

I was going to do my new year resolution but. Ahh fuck it.

-Renald