I am such an idiot.

Like Toy Soldiers.

Fuck up luh.

Sigh : really explains the past few days actually. On Wednesday morning I received the news that my uncle passed away. I woke up to 2 missed calls from my aunts 1am in the morning. It didn't exactly come as a shock, it was sort of expected by everyone in the family. He had been struggling with some kind of tumor in his brain that made him unable to move most parts of his body, well, bed-ridden. He survived through the taking care of and 4 years of chinese medicine, after Western doctors said there was no hope. Then just recently doctors said that his time would be up soon, that to be prepared. And, the time just came.

I wouldn't say I was extremely sad, but just plain downbeat about it. After school days on Wednesday to Friday, I visited the void deck near the home of my aunt's for my uncle's wake. Pretty awkward and sad to say the least, didn't know what to do. My first time attending something like that.

There was supposed to be the AMKsian Family Day on Saturday, something I was extremely looking forward to and what was supposed to be the only upside of the week. But on Friday I found out I had to stay in the void deck of some block in Sembawang, praying and chanting for peace for the whole day. I had no right to complain, but I do have the right to be disappointed, don't' I? I mean, my uncle's passing made everyone's mood slightly damper. I don't think it'd be right to argue with my parents to let me go to some school event rather than mourn the death of my uncle.

Thus, today. I woke up at 7.20 or so. Reached Sembawang at around 8.30. Chanted, prayed. Ate, walked around. Used my phone, talked on the phone. Chanting. Walk to the coffee shop, play at the background with some relatives. More chanting. More mourning. Chatted with relatives, reached home at 12 at night. It is now 1am in the morning, and as I scroll through my facebook news feed and see all the photos that my friend's have took during Family Day, I can't help but think about what I've missed.

I suppose things happen for a reason, and that I didn't go for some reason. Let's just hope that reason isn't a bad one. Blessing in disguise? Please.

Day of cremation is tomorrow, I should be sleeping early. But instead I'm here rambling on, listening to oldies music on Class 95 FM on my nano.

God, I'm feeling less awesome day by day.

-Renald
Let me get up from this slump, and start striding my way back to awesomeness.

66 posts later, still rambling bull manure.

"Good things come when you wait."

Heard of that phrase? Yeah. Nowadays people are like "I read the first two posts and I'm like uhh, boring!" Of course, nobody said that. *cough*

Well where's the motivation? People are all back adjusting to the new year and well, so am I. I just find no point blogging when nobody reads it, or appreciates my totally unlame sense of humour. I want to blog, but come on. I'd rather have no tags then have internet viruses clogging up my tagboard. Its like the only people who are interested in what you write are robots that scan the world wide web for platforms to type out their fake names and give links to websites that exist solely for the purpose of harming that very computer. Its just sad.

I suppose I'm blogging today because my brother took away his computer, which means taking away everything I do during my free time. I need a new computer. No I dont.

I'm done publiciting (i suppose) my blog, after many (one) attempts it just doesn't work out. I mean come on, srsly. This is not fun to read? Tch. THIS. IS. FUN. TO. READ.

I'm sorry. I guess I was overshadowed by my thoughts that my blog was that hilarious. I mean afterall, not many people have the capability to laugh at their own jokes time after time. So, since I'm not one to ignore advices (I'm kidding. I have such a high ego I think I'm always right. That's why people hate me.), I shall add my pictures, sketches, images, if you will. Onto this very thing. The dead piece of shit you call Renald's blog.

I would be watching the Channel 8 show but my fingers just can't leave the keyboard. Even if they do they'd be catching mouse.

I'm pissed. All the good shows are M18 or NC16 and shit. I mean come on, its not we don't understand the sexual terms and scenes, violence and extraterrestial or paranormal activity do we not? Its not like some guy and girl suddenly start doing it in the film and we go "What? What the fuck is that? The insertion of a male's organ into a female's organ(so to speak) is just plain ridiculous! Who the hell thought of that? This movie sucks I'm outta here." No, we don't do that. We embrace continue watching it knowing what its all about.

Oh and I don't even know why 127 hours is classified as NC16. Its a movie about a guy getting stuck somewhere and his survival story for 5 and a half days. Not about him getting lost somewhere in the desert and starting to get bored till he breaks down and has sex with the camels.

PS : I am aware that its not rated NC16 because of sexual references (i think), I wrote those paragraphs solely for the humourous viewing pleasure of my blog audience (ZERO, + SOME ROBOTS) as well as to amuse myself. Laughing is good for the soul.

Oh well. Movie raters and their crap.

-Renald

Its confusing, it hurts.

You said you wouldn't, you did.
You said you couldn't, you did.

What exactly am I doing that, makes no difference at all?

Its like I don't know or understand, how you really feel. I feel like an idiot.

The moment you burst all your emotions out, the moment I feel, how much do I not actually know? I'm like a dumbass secluded from everything isn't going well.

Nothing happened, you said. But how am I suppose to believe that? How can something not happen for you to feel that way?

Is it me? Is it something else? Nothing makes sense. Everything contradicts each other and I can't seem to find the balance.

Fucking messed up.

Medium sized piece of ..

Don't ask me why I drew this. "Blog's should have pictures." Not my words.

-Renald

Mistakes

Lily : "Okay, yes, it's a mistake. I know its a mistake. But there are certain things in life, where you know its a mistake but you don't really know its a mistake, because the only way to know its a mistake is to make the mistake and look back and say yup, that was a mistake. So really, the bigger mistake would be to not make the mistake, because then you'll go your whole life not really knowing whether something is a mistake or not, and dammit I've made no mistakes. I've done all of this, my life, my relationship, my career, mistake free! Does any of this make sense to you?"

Ted : "I don't know you said mistake alot.."

That was the second last episode of Season 1 in HIMYM, even though I've reached the point where I'd have to wait for new episodes, I decided to randomly watch a few before. For some reason. Thing is, before watching those episodes I watched this.. magic trick from Barry and Stuart. They mentioned something about fate and decisions leading from one thing to another, and everything plays out in the end. (Search Barry & Stuart : Three Wise Men, youtube.) So, right then when the final sentence of the episode was being said , :

"Here's the thing about mistakes. Sometimes, even when you know something's a mistake, you gotta make it anyway. Even really really dumb mistakes."

Something happened which at that very moment I was actually pondering about. That thing was related to the thing I was thinking about which made me think that I should actually "make a mistake" since well, fate let that thing happen, just like the Barry and Stuart magic trick, and that I picked a random video out of 100 odd episodes and it had to be that one that taught me mistakes would be made, thus leading to my thoughts and the event that happened that would eventually lead to the mistake I am supposedly thinking about making.

UNDERSTAND?

I suppose you don't. But whatever. PROFOUNDNESS FOR THE WIN.

-Renald

Robin: "Goodluck on your date, I hope she's everything you're looking for.
Ted: "Thanks."
Robin: "Alright, you've clearly had a rough night. I want you to go in there with a smile on your date so uh, here's what I'm gonna do."
Ted: "You're gonna show me your hair?"
Robin: "Actually, I was gonna.. show you my breast but sure, let's go with that."

"Phew, super long post finally ended!"

Sheesh, to say that after 9 paragraphs is a bit of a overstatement. LOL. No offense tho, just for entertainment purposes. Well, it just suddenly occured to me that.. maybe 9 paragraphs IS pretty long afterall. Because well, people's expectations are getting higher these days. Including mine. Maybe it isn't a good thing.

Maybe is such an irritating word, dontcha think? Maybe, perhaps, I'll think about it. Goddamnit. Make up your bloody mind. Well, my bloody mind. Because brains needs blood too right? Not the point. Moving on. So many things in my head right now. Decisions I have to make. I could just sit here and pretend my life's awesome enough already and I'm happy with every single thing but I'm not.

WARNING : My opinions are going to contradict each other from this point, probably. Just an internal debate with my mind. So bear with me.

You know what? Future me will deal with it. Bye guys, that's enough bullshit for today.

-Renald